It is OK if your new year’s resolutions are already looking unsustainable as some smart switches can help you salvage your self-respect.

It is twelve days into January and that new year’s resolution list is already looking unsustainable. Still, it is not too late to rescue a scintilla of self-respect – if you follow my handy swap list:

You want to… give up alcohol for January

You swap… for not drinking at home during the week. Unless a friend comes round/you get some good news/you get some bad news/you come across the last of the special burgundy that got hidden behind the hurricane lamp in the larder.

You want to… step up your grooming

You swap for… buying a new washbag to replace the toothpaste encrusted mildewed one.

You want to… take up boxing

You swap for… vigorously plumping up the sofa cushions morning and evening.

You want to… upgrade your exercise routine

Particular emphasis is placed on weight-bearing (walking the dog is Not Enough).

You swap for… standing on one leg while brushing your teeth/hopping across the kitchen every morning.

You want to… lose your Covid weight plus the Christmas 4lbs

You swap for… skipping all cake/all chips/all non-slimline mixers/puddings/Danish pastries/chocolate.

You want to… buy fewer clothes

You swap for (because there are some cracking bargains in the sales)… banning the purchase of coats and jeans until further notice.

You want to… eat less meat

You swap for… having a 100 percent vegetarian breakfast/avoiding bacon and sausages when possible.

You want to… watch less TV

You swap for… only watching TV featuring Olivia Colman, Stephen Graham, Claire Foy, Dominic West, David Tennant, or Keeley Hawes. Which gives you something to watch pretty much every night of the week.

You want to… garden more

You swap for… rewilding your back lawn, eg not mowing.

You want to… stop talking about the same old stuff for yet another year.

Topics to be avoided will include: Is Covid to blame? Can you get the same strain twice? When is a party a work meeting and vice versa?

You swap for… not being the first to mention Meghan and Harry.

You want to… see A Lot More of your family in 2022 (after the many disappointments of the past couple of years)

You swap for… texting them to say you want to see A Lot More of them this year and must get something in the diary as soon as possible.

You want to… read a classic a week

You swap for…listening to an audiobook in the car instead of Absolute Radio 70s.

You want to… drastically reduce your screen time

You swap for… not taking your phone into the bathroom.

Here is to a less stressy 2022.